I’m having a tough day.

11 Jun

I’m having a tough day.

There isn’t really a “good” explanation, but I suspect that because my brain is an asshole, I am not allowed to have a really, really, super fun weekend and then ride that out into the work-week.

In addition to this (or possibly this is the actual reason), I have realized that for the last three days I have neglected to take my medication, which leaves me somewhat unable to cope with the outside world, and yet completely incapable of releasing emotion in any kind of constructive manner.

The thing about most anti-depressants is they bottle you up. Your highs aren’t quite so high, but by comparison, your lows aren’t quite so low. Unfortunately, what comes with this is an inability to let the feelings out (ie: by crying, carrying on, or being generally annoying in an impressive and totally girly kind of way), so you’re stuck with not really being able to FEEL the feelings, but also not really being able to purge them.

In times like this, I tend to withdraw inside myself. I want to talk to my friends (in fact I absolutely crave interaction with them) because I know it will make me feel better, but I also know that I will be unable to verbalize what I’m going through, annoying them and making me feel worse because I can’t explain it.

So I guess “I’m having a tough day” will have to do.

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