I’m Not That Kind Of Girl

3 Jan

Side Note: This blog is becoming less about my anxiety issues (yay drugs!) and more about me navigating my way through being in my late 20’s, which is sometimes anxiety inducing as it is. I’m sorry if you’re sad I’m not on the crazy train anymore. I assure you, at some point, I’ll find myself boarding the next flight to Crazy Town. You can tune out until then, if you really want, or stick around and watch as I make a fool out of myself, over and over again.

So Tuesday night, I was hanging out with my “football boys” – a group of ridiculous gentlemen with whom I drink beer, watch the game, and bullshit with on a pretty regular basis. We go to this bar that is henceforth going to be known as The Office, where the waitresses are all adorable, sweet, and approximately 16 years old.

One of our favorite waitresses, probably the only one who will put up with us anymore, says to my buddy… dude, why is Shannon still single? And he says, I dunno, ask her. So she did.

And I didn’t have an answer, except for my usual bullshit about being a bitch and too much to handle.

A little bit later, we starting talking to this fun family at the table next to ours, who were having dinner and drinks, and cheering for the Wisconsin Badgers if only because I insisted they do so and they were afraid to disobey the drunk girl.

So eventually, the mom says to me… So, Shannon, what the hell? Why are you single? And dad pitches in, any guy would be lucky to have a girlfriend who loved to watch football and drink beer with the guys. You don’t meet many women who are content in front of a big screen set to NFL Network on Sunday.

What the hell is this, a conspiracy?

The truth is… I don’t really know. I’ve grown complacent in my “living alone” -ness. I am shockingly independent. I am also foul mouthed, moody, easily annoyed, and crabby. I march to the beat of my own drummer, including dancing and singing while putting gas in my car, wearing my pajamas to the grocery store at 11:30 pm, and owning two of the laziest cats on the planet.

On the other hand, those all might be excuses. I am terrified of putting myself out there… again. Rejection is something I AM REALLY BAD AT. (No one takes rejection well, I know this – I am just worse at it than most people.) I would, at this point, rather be alone (with lazy cats) than bear the embarrassment (real or imagined) of another failed attempt at a relationship.

So why do I run from relationships? I guess I’m just not that kind of girl anymore.


One Response to “I’m Not That Kind Of Girl”

  1. thena January 23, 2013 at 4:00 am #

    I completely understand what you mean about keeping the armor on and growing to covet the peace of mind that if you’re alone you know what to except and don’t have to worry about letting anyone else down. Its the fear that makes the love you will give someone someday feel so sweet that it will make you feel as if balloons are tied all over you. That same fear will carry you to continue to be a great person, partner and lover. I’m not saying everything will be wonderful everyday but without the rain you could never see the rainbow or see all the deep, rich colors in this ever fast moving, blah coloring, and passionate lackless world that needs people to bring back that passion and care back.
    Best wishes,

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